The time has come. Yes, it is time for you to: get fit, look great, have sex, make money. No mroe crying! No mroe stuffing your mouth with a million hamburders! (trump.) We’re about to get JACKED!!

Only god can judge you, huh? Wrong wrong wrong. I too am judging you every time I see your pictures and find myself looking at exactly ZERO abs, and I am judge jury and executioner. Time to execution away the bogus meat of your body, “pal”.

Remember: To maximumize your abs, do it constantly with the fanaticism of a true believer of the teachings of Christ. Any less and you will not be good enough.

So just follow these tips and SOON you will have many splendid abs on and around your stomach!

Heres the steps for killer abs:

  1. Do good exercises. 30 sets.
  2. Attach a weight to your abs and then keep going till strong. 10 sets.
  3. If you eat mussels god gives you muscles. But every time you fap the devil makes you fat. Remember this 20 times.
  4. 50 “burp/pee”s. Yes it’s you burp and pee 50 times!! Burp, pee, burp pee, purp… well, you get the idea
  5. Look at lex luger. And now look at Rikishi. Which one do YOU think has the best abs? Consider this for many sets.
  6. Eat better diet with regard to abs, for example: abblesauce, abricot, abspaghetti. 40-50 sets.
  7. Are you feeling the burn now? Your a real burnie bro now, arent ya! pretty soon America will FALL to your communist agenda. but for today, remember the words: “not me. abs.” Do this 99% times.
  8. ABstinence and ABsolution? or ABortions and ABomination? my sweet child, are you beginning to understand what’s at stake here?! 2 sets.
  9. Lie on your back and then ram your head into your knee. This is called crunches because you’ll be walking with crunches after hitting your head…. 1000 TIMES!
  10. go to the store and buy 6 abs for installation upon you. 1 set for each member of your family, including pets.

There, your sexy now. Venmo us your life savings because we have given you your life BACK. Did i say BACK? I mean ABS!!

What’s that, you say? “But Spookymag.com, what if I already have beautiful abs? For you see, I am a total hardbody.”

Well I guess you didn’t have to do any of this, Mr or Mrs Casanova! Thanks a lot for wasting my time, real nice, no really I mean it. 🤬

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