No one knows the real me. If you knew… you’d understand.

The real me feels pain. On the outside, I may seem happy. But inside, I am full of sadness and diarrhoea. I burn from these emotions and from the diarrhoea.

The real me is deep. I think about life and the universe, yeah that’s right. I think things like:

What if I were born in space, in a black hole? Would I still feel the same, out there, in deepest nebulas?

It’s impossible to know, but intellectual to consider…

On the outside, I seem harmless but the real me has platinumed ALL the Dark Souls games and I can and will do it again!

The real me is a nature lover. I walk through the forest and look at the magnifisint trees and I say to myself, “Think of the things these trees have seen in their time: war, disease, death.

“Now think of the things I have seen: Thor, Thor Rangorock, Thor 2 the Dark World.”

The real me lives every day with PTSD from the Gulf War. No, I didn’t nor will I EVER “serve,” but I have single-handedly obtained a complete set of Desert Storm trading cards!

The real me likes getting his thingy sucked. I guess the fake me does too.

The real me is a lover. Every night before I go to bed, I watch the video where Miss Elizabeth reunites with her beloved, the “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

I want what they have. If getting power slammed by a ’roided out freako like Ultimate Warrior is the only way to find love, that’s what the real me will do.

The real me is a poet. I go on rhymezone.com and find all the best and most magnifisint rhymes. So listen up, all you other poets out there: when your busy clicking the “Find rhymes” button, just know that I have chosen the option “Find rhymes (advanced)”.

This results in more advanced poems by me, 100% of the time.

So that’s it. It’s painful and actually really brave of me to be this honest, but that’s just me.

The me no one sees. The real me.

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