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Aloysius Spooky

“Man, this sandwich is really on a roll!”

John Montagu

“What a rotten barber! I asked for the 'Tonsure' and he gave me the 'Jonathan Taylor Thomas'!! The other monks won't stop laughing at me!”

Bruno of Cologne

“Help settle an argument my wife and I are having. I told her that I'm not happy and want 'da force'. She says the word is 'divorce'. Well?”

Henry VIII

I AM DEAD!! (Of course I am NOT dead - I'm quite well, in fact - though when I do indeed die, this 'tweet' will seem eerily prescient.)