“Man, this sandwich is really on a roll!”
“What a rotten barber! I asked for the 'Tonsure' and he gave me the 'Jonathan Taylor Thomas'!! The other monks won't stop laughing at me!”
“Help settle an argument my wife and I are having. I told her that I'm not happy and want 'da force'. She says the word is 'divorce'. Well?”
I AM DEAD!! (Of course I am NOT dead - I'm quite well, in fact - though when I do indeed die, this 'tweet' will seem eerily prescient.)
“At the Competitive Drinking game, the crowd showed their frustration by raining down booze.”
Call me old fashioned, but I pride myself in knowing how to treat a woman's ‘bathroom area’.
Think I'll get a tattoo of a tattoo on my tattoo.
I watched Avatar while wearing my flesh tinted sunglasses, and switched to my blue tinted sunglasses before I left the theatre. Confusion!
Know I'm knot here to say Knut Hamsun was knuts, but... (what comes 'knext'???).
In line at the soup kitchen; pretty sure Robert Smith is in front of me. More ‘uriney’ than in videos. Going to get him to ’graph my bindle.